Thursday, March 28, 2013

I am mommy, thats why.

So, as a mom, I've found out some things along the way. Tricks, tips, ways to save sanity. I'm sure all moms have them, but my list...goes a little something like this ;

The things you've been lied to about parenting, and what I've actually learned...

1.) Science is wrong. You definately don't need 8 full hours of sleep a night to function. Once you bring a baby home, sleep is such a foreign concept.
        a.) And for all those people say "nap when the baby naps!" obviously don't understand that mommy is still a person, and has things to do...and showers to take, and baby puke clothes to wash.
         b.) And those same people who say "nap when the baby naps" obviously did not have two childen, because that is next to impossible.

2.) Sleeping babies in magazines and TV look so cute and peaceful sleeping on their mommy's chest, and in their own cribs. It almost makes you want to capture the same picture and frame it beautifully forever!
         a.) This does not really happen in real life. When your baby is sleeping, you walk away. QUICKLY. dont try taking a picture with the fear you will wake them. Babies are not (I REPEAT NOT) heavy sleepers.
         b.) Get used to not sleeping. Forget what your bed looks like, you wont see it for a while.

3.) Breastfeeding is so natural, and looks so easy! I'll be a pro at it in no time!
           a.) Breastfeeding hurts, feels weird, and sucks. You will feel a natural ability to do it, but you may also feel slightly strange when a baby is sucking on your nipple. Its nice that baby gets what baby needs from breastmilk, but the whole concept is...strange. And your boobs will never look the same. But its worth it! And it takes lots of hard work to learn what works for you.
           b.) it's also weird to have to wear "nipple diapers" in your bras to prevent leakage. Nothing more embarassing than warm boob juice running down your shirt. :)

4.) I will love being a mommy! It looks so fun and amazing!
         a.) it definatly is, but nobody warns you how lonely and overwhelmed you're going to feel first few months. People will make you feel guilty if you need help, and you'll run into LOTS of sancitmommies who never make mistakes. Ignore them. They're robots. They're not real.

5.) Having a second child is pretty easy, because you already know what you're doing.
        a.) NO. just no. A second child adds so much more craziness into the mix. It is NOT easy and "no big deal" like some mothers tell you. Adding a second (or more) child into the mix, is just as hard as having your first kid. You've got an older child that gets jealous of the baby, feels left out, and begin to act like a baby too. These first few months of adding more kids, takes lots of patience. LOTS. Best way to get through this? Lock yourself in a bathroom for a few hours a day and rock back and forth. Nothing else calm your nerves.

6.) All pregnancies look so easy, and I've never heard of anything bad happening!
        a.) See, I thought so too. Until four months into my first pregnancy, my son was diagnosed with a birth defect I never heard of. I thought the worst that could happen was preterm labor, or some high blood pressure. Oh, and if your pregnancy is NOT textbook, for the love of everyting holy, DON'T (I REPEAT DONT) google. Forget that google, webmd, and any other health website exists. for your own sanity.

7.) Toddlerhood looks fun! I can't wait to take my kid to the park, and do lots of fun stuff with him/her!
       a.) Toddlerhood is fun....if you like root canals. (I joke, I joke). By the time your kid turns two, they've realized they are a little person, with a little voice. And their favorite word is "NO". (all that discipline you've tried, comes back to bite you at this stage! no is a quick favorite word of all little people). And you spend your day in a power struggle. "Come on little one, lets get a bath!" "NO" "come on, lets get a snack!" "NO" at this point, you've lost control. Stay in bed til your kid goes to school, you're not going to win. Hibernate. Your best way to get through this stage.

8.) Yay! My little one is going to start school! I can't it to volunteer for school functions and all that fun stuff!
       a.) Honestly, by the time my son hit school, the new break without him here is like...heaven. I can clean, sit down, get errands done.
       b.) You're not a bad mom if you just "lose" those pesky "sign up here to volunteer for this class room event" paper...

These are the ones that make me laugh the most. What are yours?


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