Marriage is very tricky thing. You go from "boyfriend & girlfriend" who just live together, who share nothing, who can walk away at the drop of a hat...to legally bound, to not being able to walk away so easily. It's enduring alot of things you wouldn't want to go through otherwise. It's the biggest commitment two people can really have. To some, its "just a piece of paper" ; but those people have obviously ever been married. It's having good days, great days, and downright shitty days. It's having the time of your life one day, to feeling like you're hitting rock bottom and there's no way out. It's the comfort of knowing you've got somebody next to you for the rest of your life, and it's the fear of failure that lingers in the back of your mind, too. It's great to be married, it really is. But it's also scary, too... because you realize that there are things you are going to go through that a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship would not go through.
I've also learned alot about myself these last couple months, too. I come from a pretty screwed up, dysfunctional past, and I never really had time to really process who I truly am. And it's easy to get yourself lost.
Dan is unlike anyone I've ever met before. And in his crazy ways, and made me learn alot about who I truly am, as a person. I've learned through him, that I am capable of a whole lot more than I ever gave myself credit for. My previous relationship, I was so co-dependent, and was scared to do anything on my own. When Dan and I moved in together, I started having to do things on my own. I've also learned that I am completely fine, and found complete comfort in myself. He has a large circle of friends that he does things with, and sometimes I do not join him. This was a tough transition for me, especially with all the abandonment issues that I've worked through since being with Angel. I have learned that I am my own worst critic through him. He came into my life at a really critical moment in my weightloss journey. I was about half way through when I met him. At that point where I was losing weight, and beginning to change, but still looked awkward, and in between. As my body changed, he was almost like my cheerleader, reminding me how skinny I was getting ; and kept me going. I still pick myself apart in the mirror, and he's always there with just the right amount of "stop it" and "you look great". I've learned how to be independent through him. He is older than me ; and already set in his ways. I cannot change him, and I don't really want to..but I've learned how to be independent and think for myself first through him. He has this mentality. And I've learned it from him, and adapted myself around it. I've also learned how much of a good woman that I am. I think most men out there would probably cut off their arm to have a wife like me. (not trying to toot my own horn here...) But I am attentive, loving, and I do everything for him. He's got it very good around here. And I don't do these things for him because I feel I have to ; I do them because I want him to realize how good I am. And I think he does. I was joking with him yesterday saying "you're gonna be a meanie to me after all the nice things I do for you?" and he gave me that infamous Dan Palumbo smirk, and said "You really do alot of nice things for me." That's what I do it for. That little appreciation. I'd like to think I'm the glue that keeps this house running. I'm everyone's maid, chef, errand runner, food runner, grocery shopper...I've learned how to just grow into this wonderful wife through Dan. (and my mama). I've just blossomed into this wonderful stay at home mom & wife. Him and I have been through some rocky stuff, but I truly can't imagine going through the rest of my life with anybody else.