Monday, December 31, 2012

goodbye old me.

The old me, in the picture on the left, is somebody i want to leave completely behind, forever. That was me. 178 pounds, at my absolute heaviest. I am only 5'2" ; so being that heavy is completely obvious. There's nowhere for the weight to hide. I was in a size 12/14 jean, and a large sized shirt. And even with the size 14's, I was cramming myself inside them because I was so ashamed that I was that heavy. It was denial. I blamed it on having my kids so close together, and never giving my body "enough time to recover." When the truth was, I only gained about 14 pounds pregnant with my daughter, so being 178 was completely unacceptable, but I kept lying to myself. I was going through alot at that point in my life, and was eating my feelings. There was alot of things going on behind closed doors that made me feel completely disgusting, so I took it out on my body. My boyfriend at the time was putting me through alot of emotional distress...and although he denied it, was even talking to other women behind my back, and then trying to compare me to them. It damaged me more than I think I even knew it. He'd tell me straight to my face "well, if you lost like 15 pounds, maybe things would be different." That's when I hit my breaking point. I knew that I shouldn't have to change myself for ANYONE, and if you truly loved me, you'd love everything about me. The relationship crumbled, and I set out to lose the weight for ME. I started looking online for support groups, ways to lose weight the healthy way, and started taking better care of myself. Cut out all junk foods, and fast foods for a while, and focused on being healthy. And the weight started coming off. I remember losing my first 10 pounds, and just crying because I was so happy for myself. I never thought that I could stick anything out. I always end up quitting anything I start. And as much as I wanted to eat something crappy, I'd remind myself how good it felt so see my body change, and I continued sticking it out.

Then another 10 fell off, and another 10, and another 10, and another 10...and before I'd realized it, I'd lost 50 pounds. All of my clothes were swimming on me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt sexy again. I felt pretty, and desirable. The weight loss completely changed the way that I looked at MYSELF. I used to think to myself in the mirror when I was heavier "Well, I'm really pretty for a thick girl." And now I look at myself and say "I'm just really pretty!" It changed everything for me. I can fit into the cute small sizes I haven't fit since highschool. I can wear a short little dress and not be embarrassed my thighs are touching...

The new me. The 128 pound me. The me that I think I'm supposed to be. The person I plan on keeping around for 2013. The me that feels so good on the inside, and out. The me that will proudly wear a bikini this summer. The me that I'm pretty sure my husband is proud to show off, and have on his arm. The me that I always wanted to be for the past few years. And the me that I wanted to be...I finally am. I don't think anything tops that. I plan on keeping this weight off. And maybe even going for another 10 to lose. (although, that's not important, but its addicting!) The size 3 me. The me who can wear little black dresses. The me that wants to encourage others out there like the old me who didn't know a thing about healthy weight loss. The me that I love being.


Sunday, December 30, 2012

the weightloss plan that I followed.

So, as I have lost a quarter of the person I've been these last few years, everyone's first question, is "how are you doing this?! you look great!" well, i've decided that I will share the basics of things that have worked for ME.

Now, remember, this is what I did, and it may not give the same results to everyone else. But hey, it might have not worked for me either if I didn't try!

This plan is commitment, and it is for slow, gradual weight loss. Depending on your frame, the weight may just fall off, or it will fall off evenly, and slowly, like it did for me.

cleanse your body.
now, this is a very disgusting way to start. There's nothing pretty about this. Get yourself a great colon cleanser. (Pricey doesn't always mean great.) The one I bought was all natural, and didn't cause cramps, this I suggest. It was by Dr. Natura, and I bought it online from a health foods store. Take it exactly as directed, and do not over do it. This started my process. It cleaned out (literally) everything from my body, and gave me a "clean slate."

raw fruits and vegetables.
for a month straight, (sometimes cheated...) I ate mostly raw foods. A typical day looked like this ; breakfast - two apples, an orange, and fresh orange juice. lunch - peppers, (red, green, and yellow) with some lettuce, carrots, and celery (almost salad like) and dinner - broccoli, peppers, kale, handful of grapes, baby carrots, and some strawberries (for dessert!). STICK TO IT. its going to get boring, and you're going to want "real" foods, but this is very crucial after a cleanse. You wanted to start putting really good nutrients back into your body. Sometimes, I'd even juice the fruits and veggies, and make a little frozen drink (with only water, no milk!). In this month alone, I lost 20 pounds. Make sure you're taking a vitamin supplement as well. Read up online about what veggies and fruits have what nutrients and how to use them for the greater good of your body!

make every excuse to walk, or move.
I am the laziest person in the entire world. I hate exercise, I don't have time for a gym (or the money...). But i made every excuse to walk, and move my body. I worked as a waitress which made it easy to keep moving, and on my feet. I wrestled with my kids for an hour a night, I played Wii (Wii fit, or Just Dance) for an hour or so every night. I took walks around my apartment complex. (back in my old apartment, I used to walk up to the store, and do my errands on foot!) A costly gym is good, but for people like me (with kids and kind of broke) I can't make time for that. Don't take the easy way out with house cleaning. Get on your hands and knees to scrub floors, clean your shower once a day (thats a workout!) run around outside with your kids. If you've got a flight of stairs in your house, run up and down them!

Within 10 months from cleanse, til now, I've lost a total of 50 pounds! I went from 178 pounds down to 128. And from a size 12 to a size 5 jean. I think summer of 2013 is the first time I'm actually looking foward to wearing a bikini!!


Just how things happen...

So, I've started blogging!

Facebook doesnt really give me the ability to fully form any kind of "real" thoughts that i'd post there, its not the appropriate place. And for any of you that truly know me ; i'm a writer. I love to write down just about everything. So, first post...

I think what's been on my mind most lately, is how crazy my life has been these last few months. Everything seemed to change in such a short amount of time. Its been a complete rollercoaster ride of every single emotion you could probably even begin to wrap your mind around.

Since January of 2012, I have ;
1.) broke off a four year relationship.
2.) lost 50 pounds
3.) began a whirlwind relationship with someone who was engaged to someone else...
4.) moved out of low income housing.
5.) fell completely in love.
6.) got engaged.
7.) within one week of my formal engagement...i got married!!

So things have completely changed in many ways. Many good ways, I should say. I never thought I would end up married. It was always something I thought I'd put off...forever. I never thought that my husband would have ever became my husband. But its one of those things I cant explain. When something feels just feels right. We were never supposed to have became a couple, yet alone a married couple. It all started so...crazy. From a random facebook message, to moving in together, to a marriage. And yes, i've been called every single name in the book because of it. I'm a homewrecker, a slut, a whore, a bitch, a terrible friend. I've been called all of these things. And I never once spoke openly, or publicly about any of it. I don't really care what anyone has to say about me. I probably shouldn't have taken a mans advances while he was involved with someone else, I should have thought twice before getting myself into any of the "darker" side of things. Yes, he is the father of my closest friend's kids...and yes, I was definitely not thinking quite straight when any of this began. I was being very selfish. I was only thinking about myself. I never meant to hurt anyone. It really wasn't in my plans to become to isolated that I couldn't leave my house because of all the negativity this relationship caused in the very beginning. I became a complete recluse. Nobody wanted to see the two of us together. And that's okay. Because if i never took that chance...I would have never got to see how amazing my life really could be.

But none of this was extremely easy, either.

Probably about two weeks after we moved in together, I really didn't think we would make it. And I wanted so badly to go back to my old apartment and give up. We knew each other at that point, but we didn't really know each other. It was that awkward time in a relationship where you're really debating on if you like this person enough to keep dating. But him and I were already stuck under the same roof with a rental obligation. It was HARD. Rough days. So many times I would throw my hands up, and just not care. There were days of complete communication breakdown, where the two of us couldn't stand each other. And I think we both went to sleep some nights thinking "what exactly did I get myself into?"

But things just...started coming together. We wanted it. And it started getting really good. I think after all the crap we'd endured together, it made us stronger as a couple. And we stopped fighting each other for household dominance. Then it just..clicked. And he found his role here, and I found mine. I just remember sitting with him many days talking about how things would be "if we ever got married someday" and then we kicked the idea around for probably a month. Until one day, we actually just kinda made up our minds its what we were really gonna do. He surprised the hell out of me with my wedding set, and that was that. Neither of us wanted to wait for a big wedding. So, we eloped. :) And now...I'm a married old lady. Its...crazy. I never thought that Dan Palumbo would be my husband, not in a million years. I'm just lucky, I guess. :)