Sunday, December 30, 2012

Just how things happen...

So, I've started blogging!

Facebook doesnt really give me the ability to fully form any kind of "real" thoughts that i'd post there, its not the appropriate place. And for any of you that truly know me ; i'm a writer. I love to write down just about everything. So, first post...

I think what's been on my mind most lately, is how crazy my life has been these last few months. Everything seemed to change in such a short amount of time. Its been a complete rollercoaster ride of every single emotion you could probably even begin to wrap your mind around.

Since January of 2012, I have ;
1.) broke off a four year relationship.
2.) lost 50 pounds
3.) began a whirlwind relationship with someone who was engaged to someone else...
4.) moved out of low income housing.
5.) fell completely in love.
6.) got engaged.
7.) within one week of my formal engagement...i got married!!

So things have completely changed in many ways. Many good ways, I should say. I never thought I would end up married. It was always something I thought I'd put off...forever. I never thought that my husband would have ever became my husband. But its one of those things I cant explain. When something feels just feels right. We were never supposed to have became a couple, yet alone a married couple. It all started so...crazy. From a random facebook message, to moving in together, to a marriage. And yes, i've been called every single name in the book because of it. I'm a homewrecker, a slut, a whore, a bitch, a terrible friend. I've been called all of these things. And I never once spoke openly, or publicly about any of it. I don't really care what anyone has to say about me. I probably shouldn't have taken a mans advances while he was involved with someone else, I should have thought twice before getting myself into any of the "darker" side of things. Yes, he is the father of my closest friend's kids...and yes, I was definitely not thinking quite straight when any of this began. I was being very selfish. I was only thinking about myself. I never meant to hurt anyone. It really wasn't in my plans to become to isolated that I couldn't leave my house because of all the negativity this relationship caused in the very beginning. I became a complete recluse. Nobody wanted to see the two of us together. And that's okay. Because if i never took that chance...I would have never got to see how amazing my life really could be.

But none of this was extremely easy, either.

Probably about two weeks after we moved in together, I really didn't think we would make it. And I wanted so badly to go back to my old apartment and give up. We knew each other at that point, but we didn't really know each other. It was that awkward time in a relationship where you're really debating on if you like this person enough to keep dating. But him and I were already stuck under the same roof with a rental obligation. It was HARD. Rough days. So many times I would throw my hands up, and just not care. There were days of complete communication breakdown, where the two of us couldn't stand each other. And I think we both went to sleep some nights thinking "what exactly did I get myself into?"

But things just...started coming together. We wanted it. And it started getting really good. I think after all the crap we'd endured together, it made us stronger as a couple. And we stopped fighting each other for household dominance. Then it just..clicked. And he found his role here, and I found mine. I just remember sitting with him many days talking about how things would be "if we ever got married someday" and then we kicked the idea around for probably a month. Until one day, we actually just kinda made up our minds its what we were really gonna do. He surprised the hell out of me with my wedding set, and that was that. Neither of us wanted to wait for a big wedding. So, we eloped. :) And now...I'm a married old lady. Its...crazy. I never thought that Dan Palumbo would be my husband, not in a million years. I'm just lucky, I guess. :)


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