Thursday, February 7, 2013

relationship bullshit.

Relationships are so full of contradictions. And seeing what I have gone through, and what others go through, there is one thing that is always the same ; the woman has to bear every consequence.

Let me explain ;

If a relationship/marriage is rocky, why is it completely excusable for the man to go seek happiness elsewhere, and its supposed to be a "wake up call" for a woman who is also just as unhappy in a relationship? But if the woman does it, she's a slut, a whore, and she's worthless, and the man will NOT excuse it, yet blame her for making things worse...but it's supposed to be completely fine if he does it?

This I don't understand.

Why is the woman's job in the relationship to make sure the house is happy, the man is happy, and everything is good. And why is it if the man isn't putting in the same amount of effort, he then blames her when things aren't "perfect"? Now, I'm no superhuman. I can bear a lot. I can withstand a lot of emotional pain. I can smile, and put on a happy face even when I'm breaking apart inside. But this behavior is just NOT okay. It takes two people to make a happy home, not just one. But so much is put on a woman to be make everything okay...while the man takes a backseat, and doesn't ever have to put so much effort into anything.

I don't know if this is a society thing, where society has made it okay, and so many broken women have just laid down and died, and let men do terrible things to them. I can't think of one woman who hasn't had her heart completely broken. But the patterns we learn from relationships very early on, is that if things aren't great, its all her fault, and a man is given a hall pass to go out, find another partner...whether emotional, or physical, to get her to "wake up and be a better partner." This is disgusting. And it shouldn't be this way. It's a double standard. You hear about cheating men ALL the time, and it's "well he's a man, and that's what men do if their house is unhappy." But if a woman does it? "Oh what a slut, she's so disgusting." why? Why isn't a relationship an even playing field?

I am grown now. I am married now. I see things a whole lot differently now that I have gotten older, and in a sense, settled down. I have learned a lot. Even in marriage ; it seems like it's put on a woman's shoulders to run a smooth house, dress nice, stay attractive, do everything to make her man happy, no complaining, say everything right, don't argue... it seems like men have been taught an early age that you put everything on a woman. I don't think that's a great mindset to have. I just...don't. I don't agree with that. I would honestly feel like I failed as a mom if Caden grew up, and treated a woman like crap. I want him to completely adore his girlfriend, and future wife. I want him to be patient, and kind, and understand that it's not her job to make him happy...but equally his job to make sure she is happy, too. I grew up, and watched my dad treat my mom like a queen. The two of them never argued in front of me and my sister. He worked hard, he came home every night. He didn't expect too much of my mom. He appreciated her. Sent her flowers just because. Even when me or my sister had a bad day, he would bring us home a surprise, or something just to make us smile. My mom mom had four boys. And she taught all four of them to respect a woman, and to treat them right. My mom seriously lucked out with him. I haven't met anyone who has even come close to the man my father is.

I can honestly say, that I have never cheated on any of my partners. Even when I was being put through hell and back, I stayed completely faithful. It wasn't until I was thrown out, that I began to seek somebody. I don't believe that you just get "bored" and throw away what you have already in your life. You work on it, you fight for it, and you appreciate every experience you've gone through, good or bad. You pick your partner for a reason ; and you can't just love them when times are great. But, this takes two people to want it. You can't expect your partner to change everything for you. You have to be the partner you want your partner to be to you. That's how marriages stay strong. So many marriages fall apart because one party is too stubborn to admit they need to change. It's about compromise. And getting back what you give. I refuse to treat somebody with the utmost respect if I do not get it back. That goes for anybody. I can't change another person. I can only control what I do and say. And so many people do not realize that.

I just see so many unhappy people. So many marriages breaking up. So many people who don't have the energy to work on anything. Now, some people are just not supposed to be together ; yes. But the ones who have made the commitment to get married, and legally take their partner on ; you picked that for a reason. Stop getting divorced. Stop blaming each other when things are bad. If it's not working, it's not automatically a woman's job to make it all better ; you are to blame too. And women, you need to quit letting men tell you that.


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