Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Tales of the stepmother.

It's extremely strange to say "i am a stepmother". Just as I'm sure it's weird for Dan to say he is a stepfather.

It's just something so foreign to me. I didn't have step-parents growing up. I had my two biological parents who are still together. I didn't grow up in a blended family. I had friends who had step parents, and would always think how weird that would be if that were me. I don't know how I would feel if my parents were ever split up, and remarried. But then, hearing the stories about how many birthday parties, christmas gatherings, and other family celebrations these children had with step parents, it seemed like these kids were actually kind of special to have so many people who love them. A big, already formed family, with people you grow up with. I don't really have a big family. The cornerstone of my family, to me, was my grandmom. And she passed away when I was 11. And our family kind of fell apart after that.

And I guess it's good too, because Caden, Riley, Thomas and Mackenzie are so young that they probably don't even realize it. And it's even stranger, because I partially raised Thomas and Mackenzie back when they were smaller.

I know many of you already know the situation. But some of you don't (my cafemom crowd, and some others I've lost touch with since highschool) ; but my husband is my bestfriend's ex.

Yes. You read that right. My bestfriend had the twins by my husband. And I helped raise them up when they came home from the hospital. I took a pregnant Brittany to all of her pregnancy check ups, raced to the hospital when they were born, and helped care for them when they were small and Brittany needed a set of hands. I used to spend my days just helping twin shopping, doctor's appointments...whatever she needed, I was there. Thomas and Mackenzie are like my other kids I never had, and Caden and Riley are that way with her. We raised all four of them together. Play dates, lunch dates, whatever ; the four of them always had each other. Brittany is my longest, and truest friend. She is more like a sister than anything. I have always considered the twins my other kids. I love them as if they were my own.

And I'm sure so many of you wonder how her and I have managed to stay friends through all of this. Well, Dan and Brittany were split up for a good two years until him and I even started talking. Him and I were nothing but acquaintances when they were together. There would be the weird chance that he would be home when I would be around, but we didn't really know each other. We had no type of friendship, or even friendly conversation back then. Alot of people assumed when Dan and I started dating that I was somehow seeing him behind Brittany's back way back then. That is not the case. Dan and Brittany broke up, he moved out, and moved in with another girl. We started friendly conversing in that relationship. And things took off from there. It's all a weird circumstance...

But, I know that a situation like this is normally forbidden. And I made sure that nothing I was doing was going to hurt my friendship with Brittany. And for a little while, she and I had a falling out. And I was completely understanding. I broke "bro code" ; I did something that many people find unacceptable. And I was very patient. I didn't want to burn whatever bridge I had left with her. She means a great deal to me. And I know that anyone in her situation has to be a saint to have stayed friends with me.

It's good now. I get to spend as much time with her as I always have. It's a little harder now, since we don't live within walking distance anymore. We have started to form a new normal for all of us. It's great to be able to go over there, and things be totally normal and okay. I can vent and whine to her like I always have. I can see the twins, and love on them like I always have. She's an amazing person. And she is very humble. She always says to me that she is glad that we still have each other, and that we can all stay mature, and get things to a place where everyone is okay. I'm just lucky to have her. She truly is...great. I think if shoe was on the other foot, I probably wouldn't be able to stay as mature in this as she has.

But this role as "step mom" is so weird. I guess it's good that the twins know who I am, and I am not some stranger that Brittany wouldn't want around the kids. I've always loved them, kept them safe, and did my best to be a good friend to her, too. And it seems to be working. I just want what is best for all the kids involved. I'm glad that my kids got the coolest step brother and sister ever. And they all love the time they get to spend running around together, getting in trouble together, and eating cookies together. It's nice how everything has seemed to just blend together. I am glad that I am not stuck in a situation where the children's mother is wicked and looks at me as this crazy bitch she doesn't want the kids around. That's got to be difficult for the little ones. She doesn't give herself enough credit to really see how great she is in this situation.

I am the lucky one. I get to have my step-children's mother as a big part of my life. My bestfriend. I mean, how cool is that? How many people can say that? And how lucky Caden, Riley, Thomas & Mackenzie are to have so many people that love them, and want what is best for them...and to have crazy celebrations for every holiday, and birthday. The kids all have each other, life long friends. I think that's the best part.


No comments:

Post a Comment