Sunday, January 13, 2013

you get what you give.

This sums it up way better than I could ever try to. It's perfect. Written with complete truth. I think many people go into a relationship thinking that they are supposed to change who they are for another person, and change another person so they become the "perfect" partner for you. I know I am guilty of this. I know I have done this. A million times. And that's why I haven't worked out with anyone else, and nobody else worked out for me.

Truth is, Dan is exactly what I wasn't looking for. I didn't want to be involved in half the things he does. I didn't want to be with someone like him. I had every idea of who he was already etched into my mind. Bad news. Someone I thought would have way too much bullshit to deal with. Someone I never wanted to be with. Somebody who was already stuck in his ways. Someone who didn't take relationships seriously. That wasn't what I wanted.

But he grew on me. The first night I ever really hung out with him, I was pleasantly surprised. He wasn't this person I had thought he was. He made me laugh. Over and over. Not just those dumb "fake first date" laughs. Like deep down, real full laughs. It was awkward at first because I was afraid of ever liking him. I didn't want to be close with him. I thought we would have gone out a few times, and just talked on text once in a while. I thought I'd go home, and that would be that. As much fun as I had, I never really seriously saw us becoming a couple, or ever talking face to face again.

But we did. And we took everything way too fast (so I've been told). And I realized that I hated it. I missed my old life. I wanted to go home. I tried so hard in the very beginning to change who he was. I wanted him to be what I wanted him to be. I didn't appreciate anything he did. And I felt like a lot of times he was somehow abandoning me. I spent a lot of my time alone in my house. I felt very isolated. I pushed very hard for him to stop what he was doing to be the person I wanted. I was very selfish. I pushed him away. I really at one point just hated him. I thought he would never learn how to be a good partner. I thought I was with someone who couldn't care less about me. And he was very selfish too. He wanted to keep me somehow at an arm's length. He didn't appreciate anything I did, either. And there was a complete war in the house, all the time because I was so miserable, and didn't know how to fix anything.

I just started accepting the fact that he is who he is. And that I cannot change him. As soon as I started realizing that, things really started getting better. We learned how to compromise. We learned how to talk. We learned how to be better for each other. And things really got...great. We started doing things together. We started talking to each other a whole lot better. We worked on it. And things aren't perfect, but I can honestly say that I feel much better than I did back then.

Relationships suck. And honestly, if people weren't so vulnerable, and needed love and attention...we'd all be way better off single. They're too much work. They're hard, and your heart gets broken over and over by someone you love. But I guess when you really want it to work, they do work out. And now I'm strapped down to the same person until I somebody I never really thought I wanted to be with in the first place. Funny how that works, right?


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