Monday, January 14, 2013


Today something as simple as receiving my new debit card with the Palumbo last name on it... is still weird and foreign to me. I know that's dumb to think that. I mean, I knew when I got married, obviously it meant a lot to Dan for me to take his last name, and of course it was somewhat important to me too.. But idk, giving up the Boyce name, the name I was born with, its still so weird. 

I don't know why I feel that way. I used to think that taking your husband's last name was something I was never going to do. (I also thought I would never get married...) It was something that showed "ownership" of me. And I am not about any of that. I was completely fine with saying a Boyce. I was proud of that name. It My daddy's last name. The one man I always was able to rely on. The one man that set the bar VERY high for any other man in my life. And of course I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't think he would be able to give me a great life, and be what I needed him to be. But I just was holding on to that last bit of myself. I know a name doesn't mean anything at all. I could change my first name and I would still be the person that I am. But, giving that up was like shutting the door on being my dad's little girl. And nothing between him and I has changed. But it's so hard to explain how I feel. I was such a sad lost person before I met Dan. And my dad was that one man that I completely trusted, and knew would always be there for me when I needed him. He was the one who made everything okay, and made me feel safe when everything in my life was falling apart.

Then it's like I get back on my feet, my life gets better, and I met Dan. I fell head over heels in love with him, and he showed me that life is going to be okay. And I just let myself be taken completely by surprise, and trusted him with my heart. Which is something that I was just not used to. Everyone that I gave my heart away to in my past broke it one way or another. 

Him and I talked about this before we got married. I was like "no, I am staying a Boyce, or I will hyphenate my last name." And he was always kind of disappointed that I felt that way. And the more he talked to me about it, and how much it meant to him that I took his last name. And the idea just, idk, I guess grew on me. And well, here I am. 

I know thats so weird sounding, and probably makes no sense to half of the things I write. But I just needed to get that out somewhere...


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