Personal growth.

I feel as though for the first time since I've become a mother, that I'm finally proud of the mom that I am, and I'm even prouder of the people my children have become.

It's not just hard for a single mom to raise kids, it's tough on the kids, too. And with all the distraction that comes with being a single mom (having to work twice as hard, struggling twice as hard, kids being shuffled around for babysitting) the kids sometimes get lost in the mix, and focus isn't always on the kids...its all about survival. And trying to do enough, and be enough, so that the kids don't miss, or crave that second parent. 

As a single mother, I had moved my kids into a low income project, and survived with help from the government. Granted, the place we lived was nice. It just wasn't a nice neighborhood. My children were clothed, and fed, I did what I had to do. I relied heavily on my parents to help me take care of my children. I worked odd jobs just to keep diapers on them, clothes on their backs, and to keep our clothes clean. The neighborhood I was raising them, at that time, wasn't exactly ideal for my children to grow up in forever. It was a place for stability, because we didnt have to move around (like I had before), but the people, the neighborhood, and the environment itself just wasn't the right place for them. And I worked and worked as hard as I could (waiting tables) to try and save up to get them out of there. 

I will admit, back when I was alone, my parenting approach wasn't the best. It was so stressful to be both mom and dad. It was stressful working late nights at a restaurant....if you've never been a waitress, you have no idea how hard this job really is. My life was chaos. The kids were living in that. It was rough. But I can honestly say, as "poor" as we were then, my kids NEVER went without. Not once were the lights shut off, or did my kids ever go without any luxuries, either. They still had christmas, easter, birthdays, and my kids were lucky. There were lots of kids who didn't get a "real" childhood out in the projects. And if they did, they were government based. I always was able to provide my children with real childhood memories..even though our lives were full of struggle.  But I did emotionally struggle. I did not have a clear mind. I was always stressed out, and my children did bear some of that. It's hard. I wasn't the parent that I knew I had the potential to be. 

And then, one day, all of that changed. Out of nowhere, everything changed. 

Dan came along. We made a plan to just get out of there. And within a month (technically not even a full month) from when we started dating, we moved. On a whim. My life completely changed. I had been criticized for that....and i know how crazy it probably seemed to everyone around me. How quickly I just jumped ship, and uprooted my kids. But it was for their complete benefit. We moved back to Pennsville. I knew very well how much this could fail. But I just kept it in good faith. 

And when we moved here....the kids...flourished. We werent in the projects anymore. We were around people who actually respected rules. We were in a place where my kids could sleep without hearing people outside screaming til all hours of the night. We could go outside. We could go swimming in the pool. We can visit mom mom really easily now, since she's almost right around the corner. 

My kids just...grew so much. And I have grown so much this past year. Dan and I got married...it gave not only me, but my kids stability as well. I'm able to provide a whole lot better for my children. I have Dan who helps me discipline, helps teach them...supports their growth. I know that in today's society, single parenthood is way more accepted, and people are more willing to date a single parent....but as crazy as Dan makes me, I am so thankful for him. He really has no idea how much he changed my life. And my kids lives, too. I don't know what i'd do without him.

My kids just surprise me anymore. Caden has really come so far. Since he's started school, he's become this sweet, respectful little boy. He's growing up, and maturing into a really good little guy. He has calmed down so much. He listens to me, he respects me, he helps me... And Riley is such a good little listener. She helps me with the dishwasher, she helps me at snack time, and she helps me put all the groceries away. They are growing up so much, and it makes me so happy that I've molded two great little people.

Just yesterday, I took them out shopping with me. I've taught them the buddy system, and how important it is. So while we are in public, I tell the two of them to hold hands, just so I know where both of them are at all times, and if needed, if I grab one of their hands, I get both. So as we were walking around, the two of them, hand in hand, they helped me pick things out. Then at the checkout line, there was this woman in front of us, and her kids were about my kids ages. And the two of them were tearing up the checkout stuff. Ripping stuff off the shelves, screaming, kicking their mom...and there were my two, just standing there, holding hands...being good. As I approached the register to pay for my items, the cashier even complimented how "sweet" my children were. She said "you look like a young mother...your children are so well behaved, you should be so proud of yourself." and i just smiled. So proud. I took them to get some french fries afterwards as a treat. :)

And then we went to the park for a picnic with friends. My kids were so well behaved, I dont even think most of the people there noticed them. They played nicely with each other. Then we took a walk to the river, and sat down. Both of them held hands all the way to the water. Caden found us a bench to sit on. We just sat and talked. Caden is great company. Very smart, and can hold a real conversation. Then on the way back, we stopped at the playground. It was busy and crowded, so I made it a "number one rule" that Caden not leave Riley. I'd see him get ahead of her, and without me having to say anything, Caden would turn around, and grab his sister by the arm, and go off and play. My heart just swelled. How could I have created such sweet children?

I'm just so proud of them. My mom even told me yesterday how much I have even grown as a parent in the last year. And that just makes me so happy. But I think that my whole happiness, comes as a reflection of my life as a whole. I'm happy. I'm stable. And it just shows in everything that I do...especially my children. <3

-Brandi

The crazy, dark, underground world of the sugar bowl.

I'm sure you've heard of this.

That crazy concept where college aged girls seek an older, wealthy man to help with financial help, college tuition, and other day to day expenses. Many of these women brag that they've never even slept with this very generous man. Which made me wonder...what in the world is in this secretive world? What are the expectations? What do these men REALLY want to receive, and what kind of money ARE they offering?

So, with permission from my husband, I created a fake account. I had explained to Dan that I was merely intrigued by this whole thing. I couldn't understand the allure that it has on younger women, well, besides the money compensation, but I wanted to know WHY these men went after young girls, and not somebody sophisticated, and more his speed. It makes sense, I'm not naive or stupid. All men want an attracted young girl on their arm. But how far are SOME of these men and women going to take these silly relationships? I just HAD to know.

So, I became Kat Jennings. A 22 year old nursing student. Bartender by night. Into photography, animals, and travel. Single. No kids. Unattached. Loves motorcycles, loud music, late nights, and having fun. I was a social drinker, light smoker, and young and free.

 I uploaded a picture of myself. My facebook profile picture. These websites require you wait a 24 hour period before your profile can be approved, to make sure you're not a robot, or trying to use celebrity pictures and say they're you. You need one legit picture. (They reverse image search all pictures.) and the pictures cannot be nude, sexual, or suggestive. Easy enough.

As soon as my account went from pending, to approved, I already had 30 emails in my private inbox from men everywhere. California, New York, Jersey. And I had over 25 "winks". Where a user can just simply press a button that says they are interested, but want YOU to send the first message. Fair enough.

I started replying to the emails. I just had to know exactly what in the world was up with this. Why would a man WANT to flash his money just to attract someone? But the answers became extremely obvious after a few short emails back and forth with a few of these guys.

Most of them have done this before, many times. I had never been involved with anything like this before. I always just met people in the area, went out with them...Sugar daddy/baby dating relationships are way different than anything else I've ever seen. It's almost a game. It's like a job for the potential "sugar baby." My fake profile was so vague. You can even specify what kind of financial support you want to accept. The amounts go from $1000 all the way up to $20000 a month. 20 grand a month? What in the world...I didnt know which one to click on, so i clicked the option "amount is negotiable" but then, i figured, i might as well make it $3000 a month. I guess I wanted to seem like I knew what I actually wanted, and that I would be worth talking to.

The first user contacted my fake profile seemed very nice at first. Told me he could "treat me like a princess, spoil me, and give me great financial help." I emailed it back. Just asking a few questions. He seemed uneasy to keep emailing through the site. He was more interested in getting my phone number. He wanted to make sure I was a real person, with a real life, and not some weirdo on the internet. (which is crazy, it should be the other way around.) anyway, i found a free app that lets you pick a fake cell phone number without ever having to use your real one. I downloaded the app, got my fake number, and texted him. Conversation was friendly. He asked me what kind of expectations I had. I was very specific. I wasn't going to sleep with ANYONE for money. He went into deeper conversation, telling me that his marriage was basically over, and missed the womanly "touch" that I could offer, he missed conversation, and he missed the young woman his wife used to be. I just would just cutely respond, and left it at that. The texting app I had downloaded gave me the option to log out of the app and no more texts would come through. So I could easily just shut that life off, and go back to my real life.

This same man, I kept in contact with for a period of two days. I never offered him any personal, or real information. He told me the name of the business he ran, where he lived, when he wanted me to visit, and what he would do to me if I had come to visit. This man is 54 years old. My father's age. And he kept demanding I send him pictures of my body. Just to "make sure I really look young and attractive." I never sent pictures other than what you can find on my facebook or instagram. All clean, all public. All of my face. He emailed me (on a fake email address I'd created for this account) a full scale picture of himself. Dressed in a business suit. This man was shorter than he had described himself to be on his profile. And alot heavier. And older looking than he had for his "public" viewable picture. The picture on his profile had to have been years old. The recent one he sent me, showed a balding man. Overweight. Sloppy. Wrinkled. And he kept having the nerve to ask me if I was attractive, and as young as I said I was. (not tooting my own horn, but yeah, i definitely am...). Which I thought was funny. You want a young, attractive woman to be with, but you're an overweight, balding man... I kept just turning off the app, so I would avoid getting his texts. And eventually when I turned it back on, he had texted me 20 times. Begging me to talk to him. Begging me to send him pictures. Begging me to just forgive him. Promising to give me money, and lavish gifts. This is the dark side of this "relationship". The men become hooked on the idea of the woman being in his life, that he'll stop at nothing to keep her. Almost stalker like behavior. I was proud of myself for taking all the false steps into never giving out anything real or personal in my life. This man had the potential to really hurt me.

I'd check my profile, and my profile on average was being hit over 350 times a day. I'd have FLOODS of emails, so many I couldn't even keep up. These men were between the ages of 38-79. Some men just sent small, generic messages, that you could tell they mass send, just to see who responds. Others were very in depth, well thought out, and I could tell they read the bullshit on my profile, because they would include tag lines, or things I'd had written on it. One man, was very blunt, and came off rather rude. He is a 65 year old man. His message was very to the point, almost arrogant. He told me basically that he knew that I needed him, and if I wanted the cash, I'd better do whatever he told me to do, and I was expected to keep my mouth closed, never fight him, and I'd be handsomely rewarded. I emailed back. I asked him what he meant by that. He told me that "You'll get your money. To keep you quiet, and to give me whatever I want. You come to me twice a week, and every 1st of the month, I'll deposit $4000 in your bank account. Give me the info right now about your bank, and i'll deposit $2000 in good faith. Is this what you want?" It had become apparent to me, that 90% of the men on this site were married, and wanted to pay off a younger woman for many reasons. To stay quiet. To stay attractive. And to stay around. I can see why many young people in desperate times become hooked on relationships like this. You could easily have many sugar daddies. They only want to see you a few times a month. And you could walk away with a small fortune, if you were smart. These men want you completely dependent on them, and they'll pay you...if you do what you're told.

I never took it past the mere messaging back and forth, and texts on my fake phone number app. But all the men were the same. I must have talked to at least 20 different men during this little experiment. All only truly wanted one thing. Sex with a younger woman. Their profiles, and initial banter with me would suggest they wanted companionship, (non sexual), a partner for a business trip, and somebody to talk to on skype, and to keep company once or twice a week. Then, once they actually started talking to me, they would push the idea of just forgetting they ever mentioned a real friendship turned relationship, and just make it all about sexual favors for money. And for all that, why not just hire an escort? When I'd ask them this, they would get angry, and tell me that they were done speaking to me. Which was fine. I just dont understand why go through such great lengths to pretend you want a relationship, when you can buy sex right off craigslist, and not have to give her as much money. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Bottom line, these relationships are dangerous. And I can totally see why the women stay in them. Fast, free money, with little work to be done. You just have to close your eyes, and take whatever they do to you, (which I never did, just making that clear...I never received any monies from anyone, nor did I meet anyone in public) and I just have more dignity than that. Plus, the obvious, is that I'm married, lol. But these so-called sugar daddies dont care about their younger flings. They want somebody young and dumb, who they want to get dependent on them, so they'll do anything for that cash. And that's just sickening. I've seen episodes of Dr. Phil where there was a sugar daddy/baby couple on the show that swore their relationship was real friendship, real love, and true companionship. And I call bullshit on that. There truly is no woman out there who would really get into this, if there was NO money involved. These men are perverted, and most have children my age.

The men don't truly care about you. It's all about just being seen with an attractive young woman, and giving her a small fortune payout so she doesn't say anything. The mutual benefit these sites tell you they offer are all superficial. It's a disgusting thing. Borderline prostitution. An escort service of types. Just not something I would ever be really desperate enough to ever partake in. Even if I was a struggling college student. There are so many better ways to make money, then having to lead some old, saggy, gross man on for instant glorification. But that's what we are built on today, sad, but true.

Go and see for yourself!
www.seekingarrangement.com
its free for women. Go ahead. See for yourself. Just a big, online prostitution ring.

-Brandi